When God is Dead - Holy Saturday

The idea for this post occurred to me during the lowest point in my life, in a moment when God seemed to be gone, everything lost—Holy Saturday. I have never heard preaching on this subject, but there are powerful life applications for the believer.

As you read, forget your knowledge of the Resurrection, forget you know the end of the story, go to the upper room with the Apostles and imagine... because minus the physical horrors of the Cross, Holy Saturday, when Jesus' body lay in the tomb, is the darkest day in history.

The Apostle John and the women at the Cross heard Jesus utter the most heartbreaking lament ever spoken, 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?' Those words must have shaken His followers to the core. Had Christ been rejected by the Father? From their perspectives, it must have appeared so.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Holy Saturday

After the crucifixion and Christ's entombment, the Apostles hide. Having witnessed the trial and execution of the most powerful man on Earth, they held no illusions about their future or the fate. Peter, the bravest and most faithful among them, did not deny Christ without reason; the Apostles knew the brutality of the Romans. But worse, with Jesus gone, the men who cast out demons in His name, realized Hell was coming for them. Thus, they are defenseless, hunted, and terrified.

Judas Iscariot fell prey to the lies of the Devil and religious leaders. Despite everything, Judas was their companion, their friend, who betrayed them, as well as the Lord. When news of his suicide reached the upper room, they learned his body was hanging in Potter's Field, unattended, desecrated. For a Jew, this is particularly abhorrent. As the caretaker of the money, it is reasonable to assume Judas stole their funds when he left. His death destroyed all hope he would repent and return. Scripture says after the crucifixion, Christ's followers scattered, leaving the disciples with no one, and in the upper room they are broke, with a price on their heads, trapped, and mourning not only Jesus, but Judas.

Imagine their disillusionment. They gave up homes, business, and position in the community to follow Jesus. Scripture confirms their families thought they were crazy and condemned them for being irresponsible. On Holy Saturday, the Apostles faced the crushing possibility they were wrong and wasted three years of their lives for nothing.

Jesus predicted His death and resurrection a number of times, but His words remained hidden, as if He had spoken in code the Apostles failed to hear or understand. Pentecost had not yet come, so without Christ or the Holy Spirit, they existed in total darkness, without hope Jesus would return from the dead. This is demonstrated by their disbelief on Easter morning and Thomas' rejection of the testimony of the ten.

Holy Saturday buffeted the Apostles, forced them into doubt and reflection. By design, it brought them to the lowest point in their lives and prepared them for the work to come. Holy Saturday demonstrates what Christianity would be without the Resurrection—dead.

We all encounter Holy Saturdays in our lives. We face betrayal, the loss of our loved ones, and the devastating fears financial insecurity brings. Enduring the death of dreams, hopes, and aspirations, we curl up in pain, mourning, and condemnation. There is nothing fanciful about Saturday; the experience is brutal.

But take heart, Sunday is on the way, and there we find victory, new life, and resurrection! Praise God.

(Originally Published 04/23/2011)

Falling on Grace

I don't accept help comfortably or well.  Fiercely independent and self sufficient, "By myself!" was one of my first sentences.  I have never been still.  My family tells me that while I was a loving child I would not sit on anyone's lap and cuddle, unless they had a book.  I wanted my own apartment at 13 and constructed, what I believed to be, an extremely compelling argument for the merits of such an arrangement.  I have accepted as little help as possible my entire life.  I prefer to be the giver:  the big sister, the loving wife, the generous mother, the benevolent boss, the helpful daughter, the faithful friend.  Those are roles I prefer to play.

My colleagues gave me a baby shower before my son was born and I do not know if I have ever been so uneasy in my entire life.  A faithful colleague commented, "Dolley is not used to having people do for her, look how uncomfortable she is!"  Perhaps that was the first time I ever registered that thought and for me, it was a source of pride.

God broke me in 2011 and in most ways I am still broken.  There is a beautiful country song called, "Glass" that resonates with me.  The refrain says, "We are fragile, we are human, we are shaped by the light we let through us, we break fast, we are glass."  In spite of the brokenness, I am still not comfortable asking for help.

Recently, the Lord has shown me I was not made to be self sufficient.  Today, He revealed that I am even uncomfortable receiving from Him.  My prayers are often prayers of mercy; I ask Him to take things from me but not DO things for me.  I am under such intense spiritual attack at this point in my life, I am humbled to ask for help.  I can not walk this path alone, I can not pick myself up when I stumble, I have to hold my hand up and take the help that is offered.

One of the most profound talents of our time was the singer Rich Mullins.  He walked a very deep spiritual path and I identify with him.  His song, If I Stand, followed me on my walk today and I realize that bruised and battered as I am no longer capable of standing, so I will fall on the grace.