Recovering From Word of Faith

Abigail and Dolley readers as a new believer I was starving for all things of God.  If you have followed this blog or are friends with me on facebook you know that I always have something I am passionate about.  I am almost always researching something and I try to find out as much as I can about a subject.  My Mom teased me about this trait this Summer and I realized that there are a couple major themes I usually adopt:  Faith, Gardening, Health/Weight Loss/Cooking, and some times Politics.  Thus, it is no surprise that when I recommitted my life to the Lord that I would dig in deep and I did!  Unfortunately, in my hunger to learn everything about this wonderful life in Christ I began watching Word of Faith preachers on INSP (pre-internet world!).

I was enthralled!  I could pray for healing and be healed.  I could invest in God's kingdom and reap exponential awards.  I could confess and speak things into existence because God promises in His Word and He HAS to do it because that is who God is!  I read books, I taped shows, I confessed the Word, I prayed, I gave, I believed, I made terrible financial decisions based on "faith".... I was sold out and so on fire for the Lord I was tough to be around.

Then, I got sick.  I prayed.  I believed God for healing.  I did not receive that sickness into my body.  I exercised incredible faith.  I did not get better.  Sitting in the Emergency Room one night about 6 weeks into this mysterious illness, I looked at my husband and complained that I was doing everything I was supposed to do and I was still sick!  Something was very wrong with this picture and I gave up on the Word of Faith movement in that moment.

What I did not realize was that I was now very spiritually damaged.  As a new believer, I indoctrinated my soul with lies.  I set up ways of thought, beliefs, and actions based on the words of greedy liars disguised as preachers.  In many ways, I had black highways paved through my soul.  My thoughts and prayers raced across the false roads.  When I abandoned the Word of Faith movement, I abandoned the Word and Faith and the Hope that comes with being a true believer.  Subconsciously, I embarked on the rest of my faith life where God's promises were tainted.  Having Hope seemed like a Mountain Top Proclamations.  Expending my Faith was ruined.

It was 15 years after the fact that I realized that I still carried the damage.  Reciting scriptures of God's promises ran over those dark highways in my soul and reached my heart with unbelief and no power.  I did not even realize it.  As I began to dig into it, I realized that only God can heal me of these spiritual scars.

How many walking wounded are there right now?  How many new believers are sucked into this false doctrine and scarred forever?  How many huge houses went into foreclosure because vulnerable Christians were believing God for the money to pay for their mortgages?  How many sick people are not seeking medical treatment because they are believing God for divine healing?  How many people completely fall away from the faith as seeds sown in shallow ground?

I have been a vehement critic of the Name it and Claim it movement.  I left a church home over a dispute about it and never looked back.  I hate the doctrine and what it does and there is a special place in Hell for the wolves in sheep's clothing that deceive God's people and line their pockets with the proceeds.  Beware.

Little Red Wagon

There is a street in my neighborhood that I avoid.  Perhaps all older neighborhoods have one of these streets; where the collective inhabitants have lapsed into apathy and exterior maintenance defeat.  The yards are more weed than grass, the shrubbery overgrown, the natural areas sport thousands of baby trees; no one has put out mulch for a decade.  It has a neglected feel and I always get the vibe that the people that live there are struggling.  I do enough of my own struggling, so I tend to avoid taking on more.  I haven't been down there in several years.

Today, the Lord prompted me to take that path.  I had just turned the corner and was expecting to be as frustrated as I usually was on this particular lane when I saw a neighbor had cut a huge bunch of bamboo.  There is a floor vase sitting empty in my house and bamboo was just the thing!  "Hmmm," I thought, "I listened to the Lord and right off the bat I got a gift!"  I inspected the piles, they were cut in perfect four foot sections and there were dozens of pieces to choose from.  I started to pick up a couple but freshly cut bamboo is heavier than you think.  I continued the walk but decided to return home for my little red wagon.

To my surprise, the street was in much better shape than it's been in years.  Some houses still need major landscape revisions but the feeling of hopelessness that had pervaded was no longer present.  One of the neighbors has built a spectacular water garden in their front yard and it seems to have prompted the rest to at least make an effort.  The mature trees gave the road a cool, shady feel; I was pleasantly surprised.  Overall, the morning walk was a peaceful and productive venture.

So I high tailed it home to procure my red wagon and retrieve my "treasure".  As I headed back out, I noticed that the wagon was loud!  Pulling it behind me, it made a terrible racket.  It disturbed the peace, drowned out the singing birds, and the church bells.  I could barely hear myself think and I certainly could not hear the still small voice.  Driving it in grass offered no improvement and made the footfalls uncertain.  The faster I walked, the louder it got.

My Little Red Wagon

Several years ago, we were treated to a sermon about how we pull our sins behind us, like bags of dung.  We know that we are forgiven but refuse to forgive ourselves and others.  We hold ourselves to a higher standard of forgiveness than God does and we pull our sink behind us.  Think of how arrogant that is.... Hilariously, the Pastor painted a picture of the size of the dung heaps we pulled behind, some had a small paper bag, some a bucket, and some a wagon.  Unfortunately, some of us have a pick up, and others have a tractor trailer.  What are you pulling behind you?  What stinking pile of dung do you need to leave by the side of the road?

I pondered dung for a moment but that was not my lesson for the day.  The Lord prompts us to be obedient and ask for forgiveness everyday.  Emptied before him, I have worked very hard to leave dead stuff alone.  No I wasn't carrying dung behind me, I had an empty wagon.  What then?  Then it hit me, my destination was stuff... I never think of stuff without thinking of the classic George Carlin bit. His perspective on stuff is spot on.  (I'm not putting a link here because it has really foul language, but if you can stomach his filthy mouth, check it out.)

Anyway, I realized how much harder it is to hear God and find peace when we are in pursuit of possessions.  When the purpose of our journey is to get things we miss the serenity of the walk.  We can not think because the noise drowns everything else out.  These folks are in chains, their lives have become a constant quest for the next thing that is going to make them happy.  Possessions cause a ton of futile work: you buy the stuff, put the stuff together, learn how to use the stuff, store the stuff, repair the stuff, clean the stuff, worry if someone breaks or steals your stuff, talk about your new stuff, and lust after the next and the newest.  They buy bigger houses than they really need to have room for all everything.  They rent storage units to hold their extra stuff and when they die nobody wants their junk!  The Lord is very clear in Matthew 6:19-20 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. The constant lust for possessions crowds out charity, generosity, and enslaves those walking this path.  Revelation 3:17 You say, 'I am rich. I have everything I want. I don't need a thing!' And you don't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. 

I prayed, "Are you asking me to give up my worldly possessions?"  The thought was uncomfortable.  I don't love my stuff like some but I do like it.... He then opened my eyes in a very personal way, I have surrendered my stuff to him on a number of occasions.  The first time when my husband lost his job and took up pro-bono prison ministry - we gave God our stuff and said we will follow Him.  He released us from the curse of the Name it and Claim it.  The second time we gave up our stuff was because the "gift" we had acquired in our Name it and Claim it days had become an albatross and the load was too heavy to carry.  He released us from the overwhelming worry and burden.  The third time we gave up our stuff was when I lost my job a couple years ago, He showed us His hand of provision in the midst of the impossible.  No, this time he wasn't asking me to give up my stuff, I'd done that... "What then Lord?"  I asked.

"What will you do if I bless you?"  I thought for a moment and smiled, "I will offer you my stuff not as a surrender, not as someone who is willing to lose it for you, not as the World takes away, but as a crown I lay at your feet.  I will do this as an honor and a gift that I give back to you as an offering." I felt His pleasure; that was the answer He wanted to hear, that is what He wanted to teach me, and that was my lesson for the day. 

This life is a journey, it is a path that each of us must walk.  Your path will be different from mine but perhaps these are guideposts along the way.  Are you listening and obeying when the Lord prompts you to take a route even though you don't really want to go that way?  Are there gifts He wants to give you for obedience, if you would just listen?  Are you missing those blessings? Will you be pleasantly surprised that the path is much nicer than you expected?  Are you pulling your old sins, hurts, and failures behind you?  You can never ascend the high places pulling those burdens and you will smell bad...  Is your journey one to obtain possessions?  You will never have peace and quiet on that road.  You will spend you time in vain.  Have you surrendered your stuff to Him?  It is a terrible burden to pull behind you if you haven't.

There are no short cuts on this road, you do not get to jump on a high speed train and get to the end.  No, the road is long and at times difficult, perhaps these signs will help light the way. As for me, I long for the day when I lay it all at His feet.

Spiritual Adulthood

Abigail and Dolley readers as many of you know, I lost my job at the end of January.  After a lifetime of full time work, I have struggled mightily with unemployment but the Lord knew what He was doing.  He knew that I was exhausted and had reached the end of myself.  I needed this break for more reasons than I care to admit and He has sustained me during this time.  I believe I have caught up on hundreds of hours of lost sleep but more importantly hundreds of hours of lost prayer time.

He has used this time to bring me back into full fellowship with Him.  I had been distant from the Lord for quite some time and relying solely on myself.  This has changed and I have returned full force to an every breathe dependency on the Lord.  What is different this time though is that I am no longer a spiritual child or teen.  I have moved into full blown spiritual adulthood.

Adulthood is marked by an understanding of God's Sovereignty while still believing in His promises.  It is putting off the pettiness and testing of the adolescent years and recognizing that His ways are not our ways and His thought are higher than our thoughts.  Adulthood also means we stop trying to manipulate God by striking bargains with Him - if you do this, I will do this or "putting out fleeces", if you make this happen then I will know what to do.  In spiritual childhood, I unfortunately fell in with the "Name it and Claim it" crowd that assert if a promise is in God's Word you can bind Him to make that promise come true for you.  This is a dangerous doctrine and does much to destroy the faith of baby Christians.  I have to admit I have a fair few spirituals scars from this false teaching.

As we enter adulthood either in the natural or the spiritual many of us carry a lot of baggage from childhood and our teen years that we have to work through and throw off.  I have been doing a lot of that lately.  I used to believe that there was a place that I was going to arrive and that I was going to stay there.  There is no such place while we inhabit this body.  We will always strive and struggle but the important thing is to just keep going.  Some days and seasons will be easy and others will be full of suffering, that is just life.

I think the essence of Spiritual adulthood can be manifested in the story found in Daniel 3.  It is a famous story where three young Jewish men, who were chosen to be rulers in Babylon refuse to bow down and worship a statue.  They are called before the king and face certain death.  Look closely at what they say,

 ¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. ¹⁸ But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

Don't you admire their answer?  They say we do not need to defend our faith to unbelievers.  God is able, He will do it, but even if He does not we will not be moved.  When you can say this with peace and rest in your heart my friends that is when you know you have reached adulthood.