Abigail and Dolley readers I was very blessed this week to spend time with my dearest friend. It has been several years since we have seen each other and we sat and talked into the night about the details of our lives. As we caught up, it was very apparent to both of us that God deals with those He loves in different ways. We each struggle with an area of our lives that keep us on our knees. I think if we didn't, we would never be obedient to do the good works He has laid up for us.
I have had an irrational fear that when I get to Heaven, the Lord will look at me and ask, "What did you do for me?" The terror that strikes my heart is indescribably for I have never really done anything great for the Lord, in my own eyes. I have never gone on a missions trip, I don't take food to the homeless, I don't minister to people in jail... but on further reflection, does this surprise God? Does He expect that when I finally come home that my life will have not reflected His love? Wouldn't a loving God put tasks in front of me that He knows I will do? The Lord doesn't want me to fail, He doesn't want me to get to Heaven and have nothing stored up...
Now, I am not saying we earn our Salvation or that our motivation for doing good works should only be reward but let's get real here. We work for pay, we don't work for altruistic reasons. We are also tremendously short sighted and have no real understanding of eternity, so like a child He must move us along in this life insuring we are placed in situations where we can earn our rewards.
I believe He keeps us in dependence upon Him, often clinging to His robe and hanging on for dear life. I have to admit that I don't really like it, I would much rather be self sufficient. That, I have found, is a dangerous road. You see, there isn't a lot of life care for those who love God but don't NEED Him at the moment. Christian preaching and teaching is all about helping you through the hard times but what I found was that there was no help or encouragement for those who were doing okay.
If I ever get to a resting place again, I swear I will dedicate much of my writing and my work toward helping folks stay close to the Lord during the good times. You don't need a lot of help doing that during the tough times, that comes naturally. Honestly, I had struggled so hard and so long, when I got to a place of rest I was sick of God. I was sick of depending on Him, I was sick of the worry, I was sick of the stress and I just wanted a break.
I entered into a danger zone that was completely uncharted and no one in the Christian community was there to help. I knew I was falling away but was helpless to stop it, after a while I didn't really care. I became self important, materialistic, and quite proud of myself. I regret that, more than I can convey. "Pride goeth before a fall", truer words were never spoken. So as I ramble about this Saturday morning, I will close with this: Where ever you are in your walk, embrace the time, be it good or be it bad, and recognize you are where He has you for a reason. Always remember, "All things work for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Peace, friends.
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