This is frustrating because, while loyal, the audience I reach is small. I am small. In the world of Bible teachers, I am the definition of a nobody. I don't even teach a Sunday School Class. There are no women teaching eschatology. My influence in this world is limited to a few people, even people that know me and love me, don't understand what I teach - they don't walk the same path, and if I've heard once, I've heard it a hundred times, "I'm just not that deep, Dolley." I feel as if I am going to explode with these new revelations and there is nobody to share them with; I miss my Dad.
Tonight, troubled in spirit, I sought the Lord on a walk - seeking what He would have me do. Questioning if I am doing what I am supposed to do. Asking if there is something more that I should be doing and am not - most of all, questioning why me? Why show me things in His Word and then have 15 people read the most important posts of my life? What do you want me to do? I seemed to have more questions than I was getting answers.
Then, I walked by a tree in my yard. I'd taken a picture of it yesterday. It reminded me of a story: one day, after my Dad had moved into his new house, we were shooting baskets. I asked him what kind of tree was by his driveway. He laughed, said he had no idea but that those cool fuzzy buds looked promising. It turned out to be a tulip magnolia. When we moved in this house he gave me one.
|Tulip Magnolia in Bud|
|Tulip Magnolia in Blossom|
I felt Him whisper in my heart, I can change things in a day. I can bring forth all the buds in one moment. I realized then, that I was called to keep blogging, to keep teaching, to keep writing, and to leave the day of the blossom to Him. In our lives, we often look around and see buds everywhere but it's God that brings forth the flowers and the fruit.