(Originally published 03/17/15,)
Abigail and Dolley was never intended to be much more than an outlet to write about whatever was on my mind at the time. At the launch in 2009, I did much of what new bloggers do to build a following but quickly realized that building a blog is like building a business, and I have one of those. So over the years, I shared with you what was on my heart not focusing on the stats. Recently though, I feel like God has been teaching me and giving me revelations about His word that are important.
This is frustrating because, while loyal, the audience I reach is small. I am small. In the world of Bible teachers, I am the definition of a nobody. I don't even teach a Sunday School Class. There are no women teaching eschatology. My influence in this world is limited to a few people, even people that know me and love me, don't understand what I teach - they don't walk the same path, and if I've heard once, I've heard it a hundred times, "I'm just not that deep, Dolley." I feel as if I am going to explode with these new revelations and there is nobody to share them with; I miss my Dad.
Tonight, troubled in spirit, I sought the Lord on a walk - seeking what He would have me do. Questioning if I am doing what I am supposed to do. Asking if there is something more that I should be doing and am not - most of all, questioning why me? Why show me things in His Word and then have 15 people read the most important posts of my life? What do you want me to do? I seemed to have more questions than I was getting answers.
Then, I walked by a tree in my yard. I'd taken a picture of it yesterday. It reminded me of a story. One day, after my Dad moved into his new house, we were shooting baskets. I asked him what kind of tree was by his driveway. He laughed and said, "I have no idea, but these cool fuzzy buds looked promising." The turned out to be a tulip magnolia. When we moved in this house, he gave me one.
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Tulip Magnolia in Bud |
Tonight, as I was finishing my walk, not having received answers to the questions that sent me forth, I noticed the tree. The same tree that 24 hours earlier had a half a dozen open blooms looked like this:
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Tulip Magnolia in Blossom |
I felt the Lord whisper in my heart, "I can change things in a day. I can bring forth all the buds in one moment."
I realized then, that I was called to keep going, to keep teaching, to keep writing, and to leave the day of the blossom to Him. In our lives, we often look around and see buds everywhere, but it's God that brings forth the flowers and the fruit and he can do it in a day.