Abigail and Dolley readers it came to me today that I am dating the candidates running for the GOP nomination and they are trying to date me. I represent the Southern Evangelical Conservative Woman voter. I am also a Tea Party Girl who happens to be a darn good business woman. All that said, I am going to be one of the toughest people around to get to walk down the aisle with you oh GOP hopeful. You see, I am coming out of several years of a bad relationship and I don't trust the GOP in general.
My first date was with Ron Paul. Many of my Tea Party friends said he was the one for me. It was still very early in the process and I really liked what I was hearing. We met at a bar and talked all night. We had so much in common! I loved his stance on fiscal issues, taxation, the constitution, and limitations of the federal government. It was a wonderful night! We agreed to meet again and he showed up the next day wearing a tin foil hat and talking about fences to keep Americans IN and that it was okay for Iran to have a nuclear weapon. I smiled sweetly, plead a headache, and haven't returned his text messages since. All his friends keep trying to convince me there is nothing wrong with the tin foil hat but ummm, nope.
My next date was with Michelle Bachmann. Definitely a Tea Party favorite a real patriot and a strong woman. I like that. She won my support when she ask Tim Geithner, aka Ernie the Elf, and Ben Bernake, aka the Godfather, where in the Constitution they found the authority for Tarp and the actions of the Federal Reserve. She organized the Tea Party Caucus in the House, spoke and organized many grassroots rallies and was a light in the darkness of the 111th Congress. I was excited about our date! Now, I know this is petty, but hey, I'm a girl and I can be. Her accent just grates on my nerves... that was the first thing. Then throughout the date she kept saying embarrassing things to the waiter like happy Birthday Elvis. She also failed to properly defend the subject of submission to your husband, which could have been an excellent bully pulpit moment. She seemed to me as if she had prerecorded answers to all my questions and we just failed to connect. She's still a facebook friend but I don't think I will be going on that next date.
My next date was Rick Perry. What a man! I love his Texas swagger and indeed he is a fine looking fellow. His record in Texas is stellar and I have a fondness for a strong cowboy. He threw his hat in the ring and I turned my head. All of my Ron Paul friends started having a duck about this guy - calling him names and painting him in a horrible light. It felt like Sarah Palin all over, like my friends were liberals on a smear campaign. It was a bit disconcerting. I read a couple of sound articles about various things that folks were saying and I had to admit that while it was not completely settled in my Tea Party heart I have run enough businesses to recognize that as a leader you sometimes have to make decisions that are not popular. You have to do what you think is right and stand my your decisions. I also realize that I have changed over the course of the last 10 years. The country has changed! What it meant to be a conservative in 2001 is vastly different in 2011. If I can change well then so can a candidate. So me and Rick we went on a couple dates. I liked him, I liked his style, I liked his record, but ole Rick and I we've got to part ways. I stood up for him on the Gardisil issue. I stood up for him on the NAFTA super highway. I even played the devil's advocate for him on the illegal immigration tuition issue but at the end of the day my friends convinced me that it is indefensible given my core values and beliefs and I've got to side with my friends. I still like you Rick, but we can't date anymore. Keep doing a good job in Texas and I'll call you sometime.
On to my newest man, Herman Cain. Oh, Herman is a charming man. He's simply delightful; smart, articulate, and with a great sense of humor. His background appeals to the American Spirit in me - a self made man from humble beginnings. He talks straight and he's got a plan that I can really get behind. The more I watch, the more I like. We had pizza and a beer this weekend and I am excited about this weekend when we are supposed to go to a show. I'm doing my research on him but the more I see the more I like.
Let me briefly say that John Huntsman or Mitt Romney will never be in the running. Huntsman because he is a douche who keeps talking about America being broken at her core and Mitt because he is a country club Republican who makes me want to vomit. Newt and Santorum, well they feel like that old boyfriend and I'm not going back there.
But hey, I'm not engaged to anybody at this point and honestly, I think I would vote for the Cookie Monster over Barack Obama.... so woo on you GOP candidates, woo on.
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