I had no one to call to make amends. I didn't have anything I needed to say to my Husband. I was ready to go. I suppose that says something. It reminded me of the week we spent with my Dad in the hospital, it just never seemed right to have "that" conversation with him. We lived it, we knew, we loved.
In 2003, I read A Purpose Driven Life with the rest of America. From that point on, I prayed "Lord, give me a ministry." What I really wanted was to be a stay at home Mom and I wanted out of Corporate America. After months of praying, one day He answered me, "I already have." I got into my white Honda Accord and drove to the office, stunned. How did I have a ministry? I just went to work everyday.
As a new born again Christian, I had zealously shared my faith with everyone. I was like a small flame that someone squirted lighter fluid on, I exploded with Christ. Everyone got burned and that fire turned on me in the form of a woman at work I had been ministering to. I gave her money, I helped her, I excused her bad behavior, I prayed for her and with her and in the end she turned on me like a rabid dog and I got in big trouble. From that point forward, I was careful about directly witnessing to anyone at work.
Thus, four years later when I heard the words, "I already have." I was confused. How was my job a ministry? What in the world am I supposed to do with that Lord? Slowly, he began to show me that it wasn't necessarily what I said, it was how I acted, how I loved, how I cared. It was living my faith in color and honesty before an audience, who was watching.
|Mary Poppins is a Temp|
See Mary Poppins flies in like a hurricane and blows the bad nannies away. She marches in and takes charge, it's time to clean, it's time to repair, it's time to care for her charges. The bosses don't know what to think of her, she often makes them uncomfortable. In the end, everything is fixed and she leaves. It was quite a compliment, it didn't occur to me until recently that Mary Poppins is a temp.
I have been a "temp" for the last few years, I have repeated the Mary Poppins routine several times. I'm weary of it. Mary Poppins is a tough job. I asked the Lord, "Why?" I was always stable; for the first 17 years of my career, I was with three companies... why have you moved me so many times these last five? I knew the answer, there were many lives I was supposed to touch. Part of me sneers at this, another part throws a fit that I don't want to do it anymore, and the other part is scared I did not do enough. I think I did my best though, I know I tried.
A dear friend and colleague told me of a man and wife that came to the Lord through her witness, I had witnessed to her many years before. Another confided to me that she would have left her husband and been a single Mother had I not shared my story of struggle with her. Once a colleague commented that I was the most unique Christian he had ever known. I know I have presented the Gospel to a couple folks who might not have ever heard it, I know that I was faithful in that one thing.
I feel small and defeated. Potential employers looking at my resume will perhaps think something is terribly wrong with me... can I explain that I have simply gone where God has sent me? I pray where ever He sends me next that I will have the strength to do what He asks of me....