On the surface, it appears that once again history has repeated itself but as I dig deeper I realize that while the circumstances may be the same, I have changed. I am not the same woman who went through this two and a half years ago. On the mourning day, I wept before the Lord and cried out, "I have been a good girl! I did not do anything to deserve this!" He soothed my soul and comforted me in my grief. He validated my assertion that I was not at fault and assured me that He would show me, in time, why this has happened and that He would sustained me every day.
Over the last three and a half weeks, I have spent countless hours with the Lord. I walk and pray and write and blog and think and research and talk (my poor husband...). I am peaceful and calm and am enjoying this fellowship with the Lord. As we walked yesterday, He revealed to me that while I have given my heart to Him, surrendered my self to Him, and honored Him in my life and my work; I have never really given Him control of my life. Immediately, I thought, "Because your plans scare me!"
That's a heck of a thing to admit; God's plans scare me. Surrender to Him fully scares me. He is not safe, He is not a marionette that I control on a string, He is not tame, His way might be hard. I guess I never really reasoned this out before now.
My way? Oh, that's easy, my way involves being eternally beautiful, losing a few pounds, having enough money to do whatever I want, a fabulous career, and a house on the beach. My plans include no pain, no suffering, no obstacles. His plans? I am not sure but I bet they involve remote locations with stinky people that I need to feed or something... Hey, I haven't thought this out before and I think this was the vague imagine in my head. (Just keeping it real here in Abigail and Dolley World.)
What if God's plan for my life accomplishes many of the things my plan does but has the added bonus of being obedient, serving the King, and storing up treasures in Heaven? What if God's plan work to my strengths and use my talents? What if God's plan is a good one? These were some Earth Shaking thoughts...
So I reason out, nobody is promised tomorrow. The research I have been doing seems to indicate that the Rapture might be imminent. What if there is just a short time left? Could I give God six weeks? Could I totally surrender my life and my future to His hands? Does this mean not doing anything on my behalf? I don't think so, Proverbs tells us to behold the hard working ant. I can be an ant.
|Hard Working Ant|