As I've prayed this week, this balance has come back to the forefront of my mind. Perhaps because someone recently chastised me for false modesty. An honest compliment was given and I deferred. In times past, proud as a peacock, I would have snatched that compliment up and devoured it like a chicken on a worm and then been pecking around for more. Oh how times have changed! I began to wonder, in my journey from pride to modesty have I again swung too far?
The extremes between two poles are easy to recognize but I am contemplating the nuance. The line between realizing that no good thing lies in my flesh and assurance that I am living a life that is pleasing to the Lord. Then immediately upon contemplating that I am doing well, realize all of the ways that I fall short and contemplating that I am a worm. The swings between confidence and dependence; the false modesty where I put myself on the same level of the most debauched reprobate and then swing back to the full understanding that there go I except for the grace of God.
I have dissected my past mistakes ad-nauseum and as I contemplate moving forward I am loathe to repeat these mistakes of pride and self confidence. I realize that I do not trust myself not to fall into the same trap again. As the Lord answers prayer, can I pray in faith in confidence or will I become arrogant that the Lord is answering my prayers...I do not like being double minded nor can I put away a question that I have been gnawing at me, so I sought the Lord.
He gave me a Scripture that surprised me with it's simplicity and I have NEVER contemplated it in this light... this is a Scripture we use in times of suffering and trial, it is not one I've used to find grounding and balance but alas the Lord gave me, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
Thus, in the nuance, in the gray areas, in the deep, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
|The Beauty of the Lord|