The Narrow Path

It's called the path, the way, the narrow road, the walk, the race; this walk through life.  For believers, it's a narrow road that requires prayer, discernment, and discipline.  All my Scriptures and study for the last several weeks keep bringing me back to the walk.  One evening, the Lord prompted me to pick up a book I read in 1998, The Edge of Eternity by Randy Alcorn.  This is a fanciful, allegorical tale of a man who finds himself on a journey.  His only instructions were to take the red road and keep moving forward.  I enjoyed the book more the second time than the first.  So along those lines, I'd like to share with you some of the thoughts I have on this journey.

(Originally Published July 29, 2013)

As a prerequisite, realize YOU are on a path, ponder it, and consider carefully where you are headed. (Proverbs 4:26)  Everybody is walking toward eternity, good or bad; your choice (Proverbs 14:12) and (1 Corinthians 9:24).

Path to Hell

If you choose to follow Christ then here is a bit of a map.  (Proverbs 3:6)

First, the path is indeed narrow and only a few find it (Matthew 7:14).  In some places, it's a tight rope with deep chasms on either side.  These are the areas of your life where you have struggled the most.  One step to the right and you enter into the mire of the flesh; the willfulness in each of us that wants what we want and we want it now. (Proverbs 4:27)

Tightrope

Stumble to the left and you enter the despair and hopelessness of the evil enemy.  Sometimes, we bounce back and forth between the two sides, like a pinball caught between bumpers.  We cross over the path but don't plant our feet firmly on the ground.  On these tight rope sections, we are not capable of staying on the path in our own strength, through our own will, and by our own proclamation; we have to surrender to the Lord and let Him hold us up and get us through.  (Philippians 2:13)

Quicksand

Secondly, don't show off.  How many of us are guilty of trying to impress the Lord, to demonstrate how much we have learned, and how strong we are; we don't realize how often the quicksand is up to our necks before we call out for help.  I hope I stop getting in up to my neck.  It takes a humbleness of Spirit to ask for help, self sufficient, type A achievers like to be independent, we like to take charge and do it on our own; that way we get the glory.  Well, there is nothing glorious about being covered in quicksand.  No one in the Bible knew this better than Peter who writes (1 Peter 5:5-6) that we must be humble before the Lord.

Complacent Christian

Thirdly,  the narrow path has two sides along it entirety.  There is no part of the journey that is not flanked on either side with evil and the flesh.  There is no safe place to let down our guard and coast along, the Word warns us of complacency and if you've walked the path for more than 10 minutes you know this is true.  (Zephaniah 1:12)

Walk with Others

Fourthly, we must walk the road with others.  We are not strong enough to make it by ourselves.  We need godly friends, church folks, and family to help along the way. Help others, live justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.  (Micah 6:8)

Pathway of Light

Finally, commit yourself to prayer and reflection every day.  If you seek the face of God in the morning, even if you went off the path the day before, He will set you right.  His mercies are renewed everyday.  If we check our steps regularly, we won't stray far.  (Romans 12:2)

He never promised the road would be easy but He did promise us eternal life in Heaven.  (2 Timothy 4:6-7)  So we strive toward the prize, we groan in our Spirits, we look forward to the end of the journey and to coming Home.  (Philippians 3:14)

Find the Balance

Abigail and Dolley readers the last few years have taught me that there is is a fine balancing act in this life and there is a path that we all walk.  I wrote pretty extensively about this last summer, I highly suggest that you read The Narrow Path to fully flesh this out.    So here we go... as I sit here contemplated the next words to write, it occurs to me that even in this there is a balance to be struck.  A balance between a full exposition of The Narrow Path for the reader who will not click through and for the other reader who has now returned to this post ready for more.  So let it suffice to say that the balanced, fruitful, and faithful Christian walk can be a tight rope in places and we must seek the Lord to help keep us on the right path.

As I've prayed this week, this balance has come back to the forefront of my mind.  Perhaps because someone recently chastised me for false modesty.  An honest compliment was given and I deferred.  In times past, proud as a peacock, I would have snatched that compliment up and devoured it like a chicken on a worm and then been pecking around for more.  Oh how times have changed!  I began to wonder, in my journey from pride to modesty have I again swung too far?

The extremes between two poles are easy to recognize but I am contemplating the nuance.  The line between realizing that no good thing lies in my flesh and assurance that I am living a life that is pleasing to the Lord.  Then immediately upon contemplating that I am doing well, realize all of the ways that I fall short and contemplating that I am a worm.  The swings between confidence and dependence; the false modesty where I put myself on the same level of the most debauched reprobate and then swing back to the full understanding that there go I except for the grace of God.

I have dissected my past mistakes ad-nauseum and as I contemplate moving forward I am loathe to repeat these mistakes of pride and self confidence.  I realize that I do not trust myself not to fall into the same trap again.  As the Lord answers prayer, can I pray in faith in confidence or will I become arrogant that the Lord is answering my prayers...I do not like being double minded nor can I put away a question that I have been gnawing at me, so I sought the Lord.

He gave me a Scripture that surprised me with it's simplicity and I have NEVER contemplated it in this light... this is a Scripture we use in times of suffering and trial, it is not one I've used to find grounding and balance but alas the Lord gave me, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Thus, in the nuance, in the gray areas, in the deep, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

The Beauty of the Lord

The Lord does not want us to stay the same, He delights in our growth.  He loves to show us new revelation, to give us glimpses of His character, His beauty, His power, and His magnificence.  To touch our hearts and flow through us like fire, wind, and water; to open our eyes to the deeper things of Him and invite us into the wildness of Him.  For I would rather spend one day in the presence of the Lord than a thousand elsewhere and I yearn with all that is within me when I shall finally be in His presence forever.

Little Red Wagon

There is a street in my neighborhood that I avoid.  Perhaps all older neighborhoods have one of these streets; where the collective inhabitants have lapsed into apathy and exterior maintenance defeat.  The yards are more weed than grass, the shrubbery overgrown, the natural areas sport thousands of baby trees; no one has put out mulch for a decade.  It has a neglected feel and I always get the vibe that the people that live there are struggling.  I do enough of my own struggling, so I tend to avoid taking on more.  I haven't been down there in several years.

Today, the Lord prompted me to take that path.  I had just turned the corner and was expecting to be as frustrated as I usually was on this particular lane when I saw a neighbor had cut a huge bunch of bamboo.  There is a floor vase sitting empty in my house and bamboo was just the thing!  "Hmmm," I thought, "I listened to the Lord and right off the bat I got a gift!"  I inspected the piles, they were cut in perfect four foot sections and there were dozens of pieces to choose from.  I started to pick up a couple but freshly cut bamboo is heavier than you think.  I continued the walk but decided to return home for my little red wagon.

To my surprise, the street was in much better shape than it's been in years.  Some houses still need major landscape revisions but the feeling of hopelessness that had pervaded was no longer present.  One of the neighbors has built a spectacular water garden in their front yard and it seems to have prompted the rest to at least make an effort.  The mature trees gave the road a cool, shady feel; I was pleasantly surprised.  Overall, the morning walk was a peaceful and productive venture.

So I high tailed it home to procure my red wagon and retrieve my "treasure".  As I headed back out, I noticed that the wagon was loud!  Pulling it behind me, it made a terrible racket.  It disturbed the peace, drowned out the singing birds, and the church bells.  I could barely hear myself think and I certainly could not hear the still small voice.  Driving it in grass offered no improvement and made the footfalls uncertain.  The faster I walked, the louder it got.

My Little Red Wagon

Several years ago, we were treated to a sermon about how we pull our sins behind us, like bags of dung.  We know that we are forgiven but refuse to forgive ourselves and others.  We hold ourselves to a higher standard of forgiveness than God does and we pull our sink behind us.  Think of how arrogant that is.... Hilariously, the Pastor painted a picture of the size of the dung heaps we pulled behind, some had a small paper bag, some a bucket, and some a wagon.  Unfortunately, some of us have a pick up, and others have a tractor trailer.  What are you pulling behind you?  What stinking pile of dung do you need to leave by the side of the road?

I pondered dung for a moment but that was not my lesson for the day.  The Lord prompts us to be obedient and ask for forgiveness everyday.  Emptied before him, I have worked very hard to leave dead stuff alone.  No I wasn't carrying dung behind me, I had an empty wagon.  What then?  Then it hit me, my destination was stuff... I never think of stuff without thinking of the classic George Carlin bit. His perspective on stuff is spot on.  (I'm not putting a link here because it has really foul language, but if you can stomach his filthy mouth, check it out.)

Anyway, I realized how much harder it is to hear God and find peace when we are in pursuit of possessions.  When the purpose of our journey is to get things we miss the serenity of the walk.  We can not think because the noise drowns everything else out.  These folks are in chains, their lives have become a constant quest for the next thing that is going to make them happy.  Possessions cause a ton of futile work: you buy the stuff, put the stuff together, learn how to use the stuff, store the stuff, repair the stuff, clean the stuff, worry if someone breaks or steals your stuff, talk about your new stuff, and lust after the next and the newest.  They buy bigger houses than they really need to have room for all everything.  They rent storage units to hold their extra stuff and when they die nobody wants their junk!  The Lord is very clear in Matthew 6:19-20 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. The constant lust for possessions crowds out charity, generosity, and enslaves those walking this path.  Revelation 3:17 You say, 'I am rich. I have everything I want. I don't need a thing!' And you don't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. 

I prayed, "Are you asking me to give up my worldly possessions?"  The thought was uncomfortable.  I don't love my stuff like some but I do like it.... He then opened my eyes in a very personal way, I have surrendered my stuff to him on a number of occasions.  The first time when my husband lost his job and took up pro-bono prison ministry - we gave God our stuff and said we will follow Him.  He released us from the curse of the Name it and Claim it.  The second time we gave up our stuff was because the "gift" we had acquired in our Name it and Claim it days had become an albatross and the load was too heavy to carry.  He released us from the overwhelming worry and burden.  The third time we gave up our stuff was when I lost my job a couple years ago, He showed us His hand of provision in the midst of the impossible.  No, this time he wasn't asking me to give up my stuff, I'd done that... "What then Lord?"  I asked.

"What will you do if I bless you?"  I thought for a moment and smiled, "I will offer you my stuff not as a surrender, not as someone who is willing to lose it for you, not as the World takes away, but as a crown I lay at your feet.  I will do this as an honor and a gift that I give back to you as an offering." I felt His pleasure; that was the answer He wanted to hear, that is what He wanted to teach me, and that was my lesson for the day. 

This life is a journey, it is a path that each of us must walk.  Your path will be different from mine but perhaps these are guideposts along the way.  Are you listening and obeying when the Lord prompts you to take a route even though you don't really want to go that way?  Are there gifts He wants to give you for obedience, if you would just listen?  Are you missing those blessings? Will you be pleasantly surprised that the path is much nicer than you expected?  Are you pulling your old sins, hurts, and failures behind you?  You can never ascend the high places pulling those burdens and you will smell bad...  Is your journey one to obtain possessions?  You will never have peace and quiet on that road.  You will spend you time in vain.  Have you surrendered your stuff to Him?  It is a terrible burden to pull behind you if you haven't.

There are no short cuts on this road, you do not get to jump on a high speed train and get to the end.  No, the road is long and at times difficult, perhaps these signs will help light the way. As for me, I long for the day when I lay it all at His feet.

Best Practices

Abigail and Dolley Blogspot is dedicated to exploring the logic and the facts behind issues of the day. So let us endeavor into another corporate buzzword that has been adopted into our lexicon. Best Practices - this one perhaps embodies a degree of common sense that others of its ilk have not done. It is not terribly fancy sounding and I seriously doubt that anyone uses it to make themselves look smart. Our Government and Corporate America are full of blowhard pretenders that hide their minimal intelligence and incompetance behind veils constructed of the latest catch phrases, can you say "Customer Centric" or "Social Justice"? In the case of Best Practices, though, the principal and thought behind it is actually not far fetched and for once, makes sense.

In all affairs; personal, professional, and governmental the examination of what works and what does not is nothing more than common sense. Why then do so many disregard this basic premise and proceed willy nilly down a path of failure or worse one of complete destruction? My Mother has a saying, "Those who do not listen, must feel." She is of course very wise in this regard.

It is frustrating to watch a loved one go down the wrong path, specifically if you yourself have recently done the same and tried to warn them of the pending outcome. It is nerve wracking to watch your company go down paths of futility and usually send me on a job search.

In the public arena where the stakes are higher and the costs are immeasurable we have an entire political class that constantly and consistently leads our local, state, and national government down the road to ruin. Our government is no longer concerned with doing things well and more concerned with doing things their own way. These ineffective measures have bankrupted us at all levels. We can no longer afford their arrogance and complete disregard for what actually works.

Economic stimulus - taxes and government spending have NEVER worked. Tax cuts and putting money in the hands of taxpayers and corporations have ALWAYS worked. Why are we doing the opposite?

Health Care - in states that have eased regulation on insurance companies, instituted tort reform, promoted medical savings accounts, allowed collective buying for small business, and fostered an environment of competition and free market - they are successful. Socialized and heavily regulated medicine are DISMAL failures. Why are we trying to choose the path of failure?

Environmental - common sense stewardship of the Earth, with Man in his proper place as Master and Caretaker of the Planet and not the subject of it leads to growth, prosperity, and a betterment of our World. Illogical is the idealogy that says that Man is subject to the Earth and Human concerns must always take a back seat to the needs of the Earth. This policy can be seen in full display in the absolute destruction of the Timber Industry in Oregon and Washington. Decreased numbers of the all important Spotted Owl took precedence over the lifes and welfare of human beings. The richest and most prosperous counties in the two states a decade ago now host 25% unemployment and are now the poorest. That in and of itself is a tragedy, but when you find out the Timber Industry had NOTHING to do with the Spotted Owls decline in numbers it borders on criminal. Yes, folks, the Spotted Owl is being killed by a bigger, stronger, meaner owl - yet the Timber Industry remains idle and our people remain unemployed and the human suffering that goes with the debacle is immeasurable.

Show me what works and do that! Is it too much to demand from our elected officials that they stop the waste, the favors, the pay offs and actually do what works and what is right?

Counterterrorism in the Spiritual Realm

Have you ever considered that evil has a full armor?  Since we are told in Ephesians 6 that we struggle not against flesh and blood but against spiritual wickedness in high places, then logically, the armor we are told to don is exactly opposite of what the enemy wears.  To wear the armor as purely a defensive barrier is perhaps an underestimation of the battle.  If you watch martial artists fight, you recognize that the sword is not the only weapon.  You also realize that the expression that there is no armor for your back is a misnomer, because the belt and the helmet cover your back.

(Note this blog was originally published in August 2013)

Pastor Mark Bilitz of El Shaddai Ministries puts forth a compelling argument that the armor of God is not patterned after a Roman Soldier but after the robes of a Jewish Priest.  That hypothesis resonates with me on a very deep level in my soul and has caused me to rethink this important part of Scripture. It is with fresh eyes and an open heart I would like to take a look at the weapons of warfare and those of our adversary, I think the church needs to employ some counter-terrorism strategies.

Garments of a High Priest

If we gird our loins with the belt of truth, the enemy must seek to wrap us with their chains of lies.  We discern lies in our guts.  Jesus says that Satan is the Father of Lies and that every word from his mouth is a lie and that when he lies he speaks his native language; he was a liar from the beginning.  Thus, the first area of attack begins with a lie.  We are faced with lies in the public arena everyday.  The adage of Lenin that if you repeat a lie long enough people will believe it is being played out in spectacular fashion today.  When trying to discern the truth of anything, the first thing you must do is discover the lies that have perverted what you are studying.  (ie if you are looking to astronomy, you have to deal with the lies of astrology.)  Imagine if our belt of truth was similar to Wonder Woman's lasso of truth... what if in warfare we periodically tie the belt of truth around the mouth of the prevaricating enemy?

We put on the breastplate of righteousness, which is the righteousness of Christ - the enemy tries to hang the millstone of sin around your neck.  Knowing we have no righteousness in ourselves we valiantly try to lift our heads but our past keeps our heads bent to the ground.  We can only see the shadow of sin before us, our hearts break and it becomes impossible to breathe the breath of life.

Instead of walking in the shoes of peace, we roll out of bed and put on the slippers of fear.  Our steps are dogged by every type of fear the enemy can throw at us.  Our hung heads watch our fearful feet trudge along the dark paths of our past sins.  Think of the powerful weapon that the shoes of peace are on the body of a skilled martial artist; when you are walking in fear throw a few roundhouse kicks at your enemy, you will feel the fear lift, and your path will once again be one of peace.  In John 14:27 Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

The enemy would have us armed with a shield of doubt and disbelief that is but a holey piece of Swiss cheese.  It is not an impenetrable force field of faith, it is not a dome of covering, it is a flimsy excuse of a weapon that does nothing to protect the wielder.  The "Name It and Claim It" false Gospel has been brilliant in disarming Christians for decades of their shield of faith.  By urging baby Christians to "believe God for things" they destroy the fragile and innocent faith new converts bring to bear.  Many folks continue to believe God for the big things of salvation and eternity but fail to have faith that He cares for them.  The twisted gospel takes admonitions of prayer and asking and perverts them into ways to control God.  The wreckage they leave behind is an abomination to God.

The poor warrior who is now chained with lies, with a millstone of past sins hanging from their neck, walking on the path of fear flanked by doubt and disbelief is now crowned with the vise grip of suffering and defeat.  The helmet of salvation and deliverance that would protect the brain and the ears is stripped away and messages of failure, hopelessness, and pain are heaped upon the believers head.  It is indeed a dark and scary walk at this point.

Lastly, instead of the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God, we are given the Wisdom of the World.  Everything is backwards in the Bible, look at how you are suffering when those that follow the enlightened path of the World prosper in all they do.  Worldly wisdom, common sense, and "the way things are done" bury the warrior; most submit.

In the depths of the battle, you may find yourself valiantly trying to follow Ephesians 6 and in the end having done all you can, to stand.  Use the weapons that God has given you to fight the enemy.  Recognize the tactics and respond with the correct piece of armor.  In the end, ask God for what you need, even if it is to fall in battle and ask Him to rescue you and fight on your behalf.  God who is faithful and just will hear your prayers and deliver you from the hands of the enemy.  In our weakness, His Grace is made perfect.

No Weapon Formed Against Me Shall Prosper

Stuck on A Course of Action

Have you ever determined a course of action to later find out it was incorrect?  I think we all have been faced with that situation at one time or another.  The content of your character is largely determined by your actions once you discover you were wrong.  An honorable person will reverse course, admit the mistake, apologize to those he has wronged if applicable, learn the lesson, and proceed forward.  A dishonorable person will persist along the wrong course because to do otherwise is to admit a mistake, to do otherwise may harm his "cause".  A dishonorable person will make the wrong decisions and not care who gets hurt along the way.

Such is now the case with the Copenhagen Climate Summit - the course of action our world leaders take in this regard, will in large part determine their Honor.  Will they acknowledge that there are serious questions about Man Made Global Impact or will they proceed down the path that has been clearly demonstrated as wrong?  I believe that the content and the character of each leader will be determined by how they proceed.

Sadly, the duly elected President of the United States of America, Barrack Hussein Obama has indicated he will proceed down the wrong path, once again putting on full display his lack of honor and intellectual courage, his lack of personal convictions of right and wrong, his inability to admit a mistake, his unwillingness to abandon the cause that leads to the ultimate end of total governmental control of the country and the world.  Once again, the Narcissist Obama makes the wrong decision and to hell with the consequences.

The Reluctant Servant

Why do we always assume that God’s calling on our lives is something we hate?  Why have we been regaled with stories of the reluctant man used by God?  Where are the testimonies of people who sought God and He gave them a path that they loved?  The path was something that they were created for and they did not resist?  Why do we think that God’s calling is something we should dread?  Why have we glorified those stories in having glorified them planted within the minds of young and old that God’s calling on our life will automatically be something horrible that we do not want to do?

Struggling with God's Calling

Think for a moment, does this notion jive with what you know about the Living God?  Have you never sought the plan and purpose for your life because you dreaded what god would give you?  I did, and regret my rebellion.  When I finally submitted, when I finally let go, (see Being an Ant) I was blessed some weeks later with my dream job.  It was exactly what I was made for, it was a fulfillment of decades of work, and it was His good work.

God is a Loving Father

Instead of filling young people's heads with "Dreaded Calling", we need to encourage them.  We need to tell them that their Father in Heaven does not call them to drudgery and loathing but to their perfectly suited occupation and life.  I am not saying that it will be easy, because we know that life is not easy, but when you are operating in His will your soul will prosper.  After all, the Word says that we were created for good works, that He foreordained for us to do while we are on this Earth so that we might have His rewards in Heaven.

So, in this Season of Graduations, let me encourage you.  God has not called you to drudgery.  He has called you something perfectly designed for you.  Do not be afraid, He's your Dad.

Accepting God's Calling

Falling on Grace

I don't accept help comfortably or well.  Fiercely independent and self sufficient, "By myself!" was one of my first sentences.  I have never been still.  My family tells me that while I was a loving child I would not sit on anyone's lap and cuddle, unless they had a book.  I wanted my own apartment at 13 and constructed, what I believed to be, an extremely compelling argument for the merits of such an arrangement.  I have accepted as little help as possible my entire life.  I prefer to be the giver:  the big sister, the loving wife, the generous mother, the benevolent boss, the helpful daughter, the faithful friend.  Those are roles I prefer to play.

My colleagues gave me a baby shower before my son was born and I do not know if I have ever been so uneasy in my entire life.  A faithful colleague commented, "Dolley is not used to having people do for her, look how uncomfortable she is!"  Perhaps that was the first time I ever registered that thought and for me, it was a source of pride.

God broke me in 2011 and in most ways I am still broken.  There is a beautiful country song called, "Glass" that resonates with me.  The refrain says, "We are fragile, we are human, we are shaped by the light we let through us, we break fast, we are glass."  In spite of the brokenness, I am still not comfortable asking for help.

Recently, the Lord has shown me I was not made to be self sufficient.  Today, He revealed that I am even uncomfortable receiving from Him.  My prayers are often prayers of mercy; I ask Him to take things from me but not DO things for me.  I am under such intense spiritual attack at this point in my life, I am humbled to ask for help.  I can not walk this path alone, I can not pick myself up when I stumble, I have to hold my hand up and take the help that is offered.

One of the most profound talents of our time was the singer Rich Mullins.  He walked a very deep spiritual path and I identify with him.  His song, If I Stand, followed me on my walk today and I realize that bruised and battered as I am no longer capable of standing, so I will fall on the grace.

Me Beads!

My regular readers may notice that the meta-description of Abigail and Dolley has changed.  I believe it more accurately reflects the evolution of this little slice of the internet.  To celebrate the true liberation of this blog from a political forum to a life's journey, I give you BEADS!  Family time, art, creativity, and jewelry - how can a girl go wrong?


Beach Blue Collection

The blog title comes from a cute family story.  Mom first discovered beading as something she could do with her four year old Granddaughter.  What she did not count on is that her two year old Granddaughter would feel a bit hurt and disenfranchised by Nanna's new hobby with her sister.  She came up to Mom one afternoon and in a very hurt voice said, "Me Beads!"  Needless to say, Nanna was heart broken and the next visit there were plenty of beads for all.

Memory Wire Triple Strand Bracelet in Blue



In typical Dolley style, I am enchanted and of course reading, researching, and learning as much as I can.  One of my favorite resources is Off the Beaded Path; Kelly Dale is a brilliant designer and teacher.  My other new fun thing has been Pinterest, which is full of all kinds of wonderful images and ideas.  There are plenty of bead ideas and the possibilities are endless.   

I have also discovered something; my personal style is really quite funky and a little off beat.  Now don't get me wrong; I wear a French Manicure, have subtle highlights in my hair (no purple streaks), and there is not a dog collar in my jewelry repertoire - but I crinkle me nose at preppy and I am too voluptuous for elegant!  Thus, creating my own bling opens up a whole new world of possibilities.

  

Funky Blue Bracelet - Mixed Beads on Memory Wire



Beaded Ring - Design by Kelly Dale from Off the Beaded Path

Memory Wire Necklace, Bracelet, Ring, and Hoop Earrings - Beaded Earrings from a Bead Starter Kit

Listening to the Still Small Voice

Abigail and Dolley readers I read the other day that the severity of trials and wilderness time is often commensurate with the importance of your calling.  That is indeed a double edged sword with great blessings on one side and great suffering on the other.  I don't know about ya'll, but I'd like to have the blessings without the suffering...  It just doesn't work that way.

1 Peter 4:12-13 tells us, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 

When I am going through trials, I am in constant communication with the Lord.  He talks to me, sometimes so clearly there is no doubt that it IS Him, other times it's the still small voice, and that is where I get into trouble.  Is it the still small voice or is that simply my own head?  How do you tell the difference?  It is paramount to a believer's walk to be able to differentiate between the two.

Falsehood has no place on this path I am walking.  I need to be able to trust, walk in faith, and step out in power for His purpose.  If I am double minded the whole thing could come off the tracks.  I would not accomplish what God has for me to do and that is in direct correlation with where I need to be.

Have you ever trusted the still small voice, made a life decision under absolute conviction that you've heard from God on the matter, and been spectacularly wrong?  Yes?  Yeah, me too.  I did it in a colossal way.  Thus, even when I am overwhelmed by the Spirit there is a certain wariness I bring.  I validate everything in the Word.  I pray about everything.

So where does that leave us as believers?  The blind faith of a Baby Christian is no longer an option.  What about the disappointed faith of a petulant Teen Christian that thought they knew the way and were disappointed?  How about the cynical Adult Christian who rejects all inspiration and lives completely in the natural, living like 2 Timothy 3:5, "having a form of godliness, but denying it's power." 

God is calling us to grow in faith, to move beyond the things of the flesh and become His disciples.  Hebrews 5:14 "But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil."  The evil we are called to discern is from not only inside our own brains but from the lies of the enemy.

So here it is folks, confession time... I headed out today for my daily walk.  Walk with the Lord, prayer time, exercise, outside... all good things, right?  Usually they are very good things.  I look forward to them, I anticipate them, I live for these walks.  I made an unusual comment to my husband about safety we ignored it.  Pulling out of the driveway this morning, I had the first thought, "Don't go to your walking spot today."  I ignored it.

Arriving at my spot, I was upset, "You should go home."  I thought, "You are already here."  I started to feel sort of sick, "You shouldn't walk today."  I kept going.  My Spirit was in knots, I walked faster, I prayed harder.  I felt my body ache, "You should go home, it's not safe for you out here today."  I stopped and stretched, trying to ease the pain.  I walked another hundred yards and noticed my new shoes were sparkling white and the was mud ahead, I sat down on a bench.  My soul was restless and I wanted the peace I find on my walk, I got up and pressed on.

Now, as a reader you can guess something is coming up, but living it, being the one it's happening to would you heed the warning?  I've never been threatened on my walk, I have only ever found peace and comfort and if ever I needed peace it was on THIS walk....

So here's what happened, we've had rain three times a day for months.  The walking paths are flooded in places.  The floodplain's are full and the boardwalks are slippery.  I stepped on the edge of the boardwalk with my left foot to avoid a puddle.  My foot slipped off, I "racked" myself as I went down, and landed unceremoniously on my back in the muddy water three feet below.

I was immediately convicted that there WAS indeed real danger for me on that path today and if I wasn't going to listen He was going to make sure I turned around.  I was hurt.  I was humiliated.  I was dirty.  My shoes are not brilliantly white anymore.

Over the last few weeks, I have fought very hard for my peace.  I am guarding it in a manner I have never done so in the past.  I keep saying to folks, "This is what I am doing today.  Please don't ask me about tomorrow, I will deal with that then."  I think I have to go back to the first hours when this trial started and realize I have to walk in obedience every step, every minute, and finally listen to the "Still Small Voice".

Hollywood - Your True Colors and Showing Through

Maybe it is just me, but I am sick of Hollywood.  Decades of contempt held for the American People and our way of life is oozing through in all they do.  Abigail and Dolley Blog readers may recall my last foray into this subject, Not Too Smart where we dealt with the risks of going public with your political beliefs and how you can alienate half of the country by espousing your pseudo-intellectual, loony beliefs.  This post, however, will deal with their complete and utter rejection of all that Americans hold dear and one must wonder, how long will they continue to go blindly down a path that holds financial doom in its forecast.

I preview the upcoming movie releases and think to myself, ho hum.  I rent DVD's and find my self sighing at the undertones of anti-Americanism that bleeds through.  For example, we watched the Soloist with Robert Downey Jr and Jamie Fox last week.  Robert Downey Jr is a LA Times reporter looking for a story and lamenting the downturn in the newspaper industry.  Jamie Fox is a gifted musician who while attending Julliard is struck down by Schizophrenia and is living on the streets of LA.  I got half way through the movie.

It was well acted, shot, directed, and edited.  It was the underlying hopelessness of a world and a character without God that was completely off putting.  The reporter sees beauty and life in watching the musician play and enjoy music; how shallow and sad.  Of course we have throw in our anti-American messages, while walking through the newsroom they play clips of George W Bush speaking and then follow up with pictures of dead children.  It is inferred that if there was just more money and less discrimination, the street people would not be on the street.

Were these things intentional?  No, probably not, but at the end of the day if you eat a steady diet of American and Capitalism hatred day after day and year after year it will begin to seep out in all that you do.  I believe this is what has happened to Hollywood.  No, starting with the derelict Baby Boomers and Jane Fonda we have been entertained by a group of folks who hate us.  Paradoxically, it is these folks who need us, not the other way around.  The capitalist system that they so despise will eventually bring them to their senses, when people stop going to see their movies - that is unless the government so determines that Hollywood is too big to fail.

30 Day Jesus Challenge - Day 1 Commitment

Have you ever wondered about Jesus?  Are you an atheist?  Were you raised in the church but as you grew up you left the faith?  Maybe you don't know the first thing about "religion"? Were you once on fire for the Lord but find you are cold and doubting that God is real?  Perhaps your friend or your significant other has come to faith and you are angry about it?  Maybe you don't know anything at all about Jesus other than what you've picked up in the culture?  Then again, you might believe Jesus is just another path to the same heaven we are all headed to.  You might be a Jew, a Muslim, or a Buddhist - perhaps you are just spiritual.

If you fit into any of these categories, this challenge is for you.  You are challenged to give Jesus 30 Days.

For the next 30 days, you open your mind and your heart to him.  A blog will post every morning and it will take you about 2 minutes to read.  That's it.

If at the end, you feel the same way then you can honestly say you've given it a  chance. It costs you nothing.  Commit to this and I promise you will not be sorry.

Day 1 - Commitment

Isaiah 41:13 For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

Pray - Jesus, if you are there, I am putting my hand into yours.  Please do not let me go. Amen.

Put Your Hand in Mine

Truth - It is Time to Start Talking Again

Abigail and Dolley readers have come to expect critical thinking and logical presentation of facts in all of our commentaries, so let's talk about some hot button issues.  The Attorney General of the United States said that Americans did not have the guts to talk about racism today.  I think he is perhaps correct, but not because we are cowards and all racists at heart.  I believe he threw that out knowing that in March of 2009, we would not engage.  I believe in March, he was right.  I believe in September, he will be proven wrong.

For the past few decades, we as a people have been told not to critically discuss issues amongst ourselves that would cause disagreements and lead to fiery debate.  You know the adage and the admonition that you should not discuss politics or religion and let us not forget the untouchable subject of racism.

I must ask though, are we better off as a nation and a people because we are so "civil" to each other or have we lost one of the things that made us fundamentally alive?  What happens to a people when they stop discussing the most important issues of our day?  I believe we stop being a people that will speak the truth and are poorer in spirit for it.  I believe that each of us begins to create our own realities based on our feelings and not the facts.  I believe we will make for ourselves political ideologies and spiritual truths that are not well grounded in truth, but instead a collection of our own personal conclusions.  We hold on to these personal convictions and because we live in a society that does not demand we defend our convictions in a logical manner, we are left with half formed gushy convictions that do not serve us or society well.  We become offended and defensive when someone questions us or challenges us about these personal truths.  When forced to defend them, we feel personally attacked.  We do not like coming out of our comfort zone and will gather around ourselves like minded people who condemn the questioner or challenger instead of defending our convictions.

Absolute truth has been stripped of its ability and purpose to cleave between bone and sinew, to separate the facts from the emotions.  The rejection of absolute truth as a building block and premise of civil society has the effect of denigrating the society to a group of  wishy washy citizens easily led down the path of what feels good.  Absolute truth though, does not change based on your feelings, see it is stronger than our rationales, it does not alter with the political or social climate of the times.  Absolute truth remains a bulwark against our own personal suppositions.

Absolute truth stands boldly before failed ideology and calls it out.  I can feel the bristling out there, but you must choose, if we are to continue living in a civil society, we MUST choose.  Let us take some obvious examples - Murder is wrong.  Absolute truth, right?  But is it in our society still?  Or do we have circumstantial rationale for even that?  Having sex with children is wrong.  But some will say, that is just the way I am and it is okay for me.  How about cheating on a test?  What about lying?  What about adultery?  Today, we can come up with scenarios that excuse all or most of this behavior.  Is it any wonder then, that we are rejecting the foundations of our Republic and leaning toward the mob rule of Democracy?  Law says something is bad and forbidden, man can rationalize the behavior and we are much more comfortable with that.

We see this today in our political exchanges.  When we can not prove our point, we name call and ridicule.  Is there any more blaring case before us today than the Joe Wilson/Barack Obama tempest?  Joe Wilson's outburst was against etiquette, but he was right.  Once it was discovered that he was right, well then, he was called a racist.  What would have been so wrong about saying, you know, after we looked into it, the President had misspoke and here is what we are going to do about it.

Both sides decry the other when they are faced with the truth.  An honest person will concede.  I find that while doing that initially is painful, it leads to a wealth and a depth and a breadth of understanding I did not enjoy here to fore.  I am enriched when I realize I was mistaken and give the other person their due for presenting truth.  Why is that seen today as weakness?  It is strength of character and soundness of mind that recognizes and acknowledges our own fallibility. Weakness is actually holding on to false ideals when presented with logical facts to the contrary. 

Ideology above facts or truth.  Win at all costs.  Name call and demean.  Lie about your opponent to suit your needs.  The ends justify the means.  You are a troglodyte stuck in an outmoded and outdated mind set.

Folks, it is time to engage.  It is time to stop being afraid of confrontation.  It is time to hold what you believe in up to the glaring light of the sun to determine if it can withstand the light of day.  After all, our convictions and faith, for which we base our lives must be able to stand up to scrutiny, otherwise we ourselves can not stand up to scrutiny.  That my friends is worse than being uncomfortable.

30 Day Jesus Challenge - Day 12 Double Minded Man

Perhaps at some point in this journey, you may have come to a point where you began to believe but then you changed your mind.  You are confused, conflicted, and swaying in the breeze.

Jesus' half brother James writes about this in 50 AD "But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." James 1:6-8

Double Minded Man

In this 30 Day Jesus Challenge, we are walking a path, a journey, a discovery - at each juncture along the way you are asked to make a choice.  Today, you need to commit again to the challenge but moving forward, you need to stop being double minded about it.  For the next 18 Days, get on board fully or quit.

Pray - Jesus, I don't want to be double minded about this.  I want to fully commit to the remaining challenge.

Warning Signs

About 6 months after we moved into our neighborhood, the city put speed humps on the main drag.  I voted against them, but when my side lost I had to admit that in spite of careful intentions I did find myself going a lot faster than I should.  Since it was a familiar stretch of road, my mind would go on autopilot.  After a long day at work and a hellish commute, I would fly through the neighborhood in a hurry to get home.

The first day the road humps were there, it was a shock.  Had I not been paying attention I might have done some serious damage to my car.  The jet black humps stood out from the faded gray asphalt but the city crew did not paint the white arrows on the humps for several days.  Thankfully, there was a warning sign posted in the neighborhood and later that week the white arrows were painted.

Missing the Warning Signs

As the years have gone by, I don't notice the road humps any more.  The warning signs are obscured by tree branches and the dark black of the new asphalt has faded to nearly match the gray of the original road.  We putz through the neighborhood, going the speed limit and slowing for the obstacles automatically.  In many ways, I am thankful for the speed humps, they slow me down and have kept my neighborhood safe.

There is a lesson in these speed humps for every Christian.  Before the speed bumps and warning signs, we fly through life in a hurry to get home.  We know we should be slowing down and obeying the laws but we forget, get distracted, and end up going way too fast.  We don't want laws or rules to make us do those things but once they are there we realize they were for our own good.


When we first see the signs, we have to look carefully - they appear to be part of the road but we know there is something up ahead.  We cautiously approach them, testing their impact and slowly make our way along the path, recognizing the signs that God has put in our midst.  Preachers may begin to teach on these humps and the white lines of warning are painted on them.  In the beginning, we note the signs and the evidence of the obstacles.  We discuss them with our neighbors.  While they may appear to some as part of the road we recognize them for what they are.

After years though, the signs and the evidence become part of the journey.  The black asphalt fades to almost the same color of the road and we no longer pay attention to the signs.  As a body, we in the Church are used to the signs.  They are part of the road, part of the world, and we don't even notice them anymore.

The shame of this is that while the Body of Christ lies sleeping, the King is approaching.  Instead of shouting an alarm to the lost, we hunker down with false prophets and teach about "health and wealth", we condemn the lost instead of reaching out, or worse yet, we blaspheme and fall away in an apostasy that is astounding.

The vacuum left by the Body of Christ will be filled with something!  The world is lost and confused.  The believers in aliens see the imminent return.  The environmentalist believe the Earth is trying to tell us something because of climate change.  The fringe chemtrail, Nibiru, Lizard People believe the End is Near!  Even the folks that don't prescribe to any of these theories see what is going on around us and shake their head because something is going on....

The World sees these signs and they are trying to interpret them, all great lies from the Devil have grains of truth in them!  "Aliens" are showing themselves, but they are not what they claim to be.  The Earth IS groaning but not because of Global Warming.  There ARE strange things in the sky and many ARE controlled by "lizard people", but they aren't lizard people, they are ancient evil.

Everyone believes and sees the world through their own filter, everyone believes they are right.  Empirically, the Church has it right.  Not because we are smarter, or better, but because we base our worldview on the Bible, a 4000 year old book that has NEVER been wrong, it doesn't change, and it is a solid foundation for which man has governed himself and the world since Creation.  The Bible gives us the clear signs, it is up to us to point them out to each other and to explain them to the world and THAT my friends is what I have been trying to do.  Blessings to you and yours, In Christ! "Dolley".

Denial of Evil and the Appeal of Ron Paul

Abigail and Dolley readers I am deeply disturbed by the rise and popularity of Ron Paul.  The unlikely assent of an elderly, squeaky voiced, isolationist, Libertarian begs the question - why?  Why have hoards of people latched on to this man and why are they all but worshiping him?  Furthermore, why are they so ANGRY with everyone else?  If you have run into any of them online, you will know of what I speak.  They are collectively vicious tongued zealots who gleefully libel all of the other candidates and spread lies and smear, like jelly on toast.

I believe I have figured out the appeal, these folks are deeply afraid.  They are afraid of what is happening to our economy.  They are afraid of what is happening on the world's stage and they are afraid of where Big Government is taking us.  Okay, most of us are also afraid of that, so what is the difference?  The difference is, that Ron Paul preaches a gospel that there is no evil in the world other than us, if we would just behave, evil would leave us alone.

You have to admit, it is sort of enticing.  I mean, if we could just behave in a certain manner and evil would disappear, that seems like a pretty good deal.  The Paulian worldview, at its core, asserts that you can control evil.  His followers are buying into this with a fervor and a zealotry that always attaches itself to a cultish figure that claims to have the answers and is the only one who can save them.

Unfortunately, Ron Paul and his supporters are wrong.  You don't control evil by being good.  It is naive and while understandable, ultimately very dangerous.  Evil exists in the hearts of men and in the powers and principality, in the spiritual dark places of wickedness and the only way to defeat it is to fight it.  To shine the light of righteousness on it and to go after it with everything that you have.

We as a nation are tired of fighting off the evil.  We look around and see spent lives, endless war, collapsing world economies, ineffective governments and we say enough!  I just want to go home and live my life!  Leave me alone and I will leave you alone, okay?  Have we been perfect, of course not!  Have we made mistakes, yes but is it time to retreat?  To stop being a global force that stands up to the evil in the world and says, "Not so fast, Buster."  The results, if we were to follow the Paulian plan, would be disaster on a scale of which the world has never seen.  Evil does not change, evil does not get nicer, evil only grows and seeks to destroy all that is in its path and it wants to consume all that is good and righteous in this world.

Don't fall for the lie folks, it's an old one and if you pay careful attention, it smells of fire and brimstone.

French Kissing the Devil

(Update:  the below blog was written Saturday 11/14 as the news from Paris rolled in.   I was very troubled in my spirit and sat down to compose a blog.  As I was writing, the Lord gave me a vision of a person walking up to the Devil, embracing and tongue kissing him.   When they pulled away, blood dripped from their lips and was smeared across their face.  The person stood with their arm around the shoulders of Satan and threw me a look of hatred.  It was disturbing and I was hesitant to write this or the blog.  It seemed insensitive and cruel but I was obedient.  It is now revealed that the concert the French victims were watching in the theater was a satanic metal band.  The song they were singing as the terrorist entered the concert hall was "Kiss the Devil".)

My Dad always asserted that at the end of the age the dividing line between good and evil would be so stark that there would be no gray.  I believe the day is upon us, the great delusion has begun.  People believe in their own righteousness, they reject God and his truth.

The humanist point of reference declares that man is the arbiter of right and wrong, that each person goes along the path they feel best suits them.  When you remove the immovable laws of God and right and wrong the morality of the world breaks down.  This is what we are witnessing.

If you are not firmly entrenched in the Word of God, you will be deceived.  We are seeing it everywhere as great madness descends upon the world.  Well meaning atheists are recoiling at the slaughter and terror in Paris but what they fail to realize is that they have by default aligned themselves with the same team.  By rejecting the free gift of Salvation, they choose their side.

In human standards, they may believe themselves to be good and righteous but by the standard of holiness required for salvation, we all have sinned and fall short of the perfection demanded by a holy God.  Thus, they are blinded.

Kissing the Devil Unaware

They walk up to the devil disguised as an angel of light and reason, put their arm around his shoulder, and tongue kiss him.  They pull away from the bloody kiss and see the world through their blind eyes.  The original promise of having the knowledge of good and evil was a lie for they can not see the difference and will call what is good evil and what is evil good.  For the devil is a liar, he was a liar from the beginning, and when he speaks he speaks his native language of lies.  The world has embraced the liar and he will destroy them.

Bring Forth in a Day

(Originally published 03/17/15,)

Abigail and Dolley was never intended to be much more than an outlet to write about whatever was on my mind at the time.  At the launch in 2009, I did much of what new bloggers do to build a following but quickly realized that building a blog is like building a business, and I have one of those.  So over the years, I shared with you what was on my heart not focusing on the stats.  Recently though, I feel like God has been teaching me and giving me revelations about His word that are important.

This is frustrating because, while loyal, the audience I reach is small.  I am small.  In the world of Bible teachers, I am the definition of a nobody.  I don't even teach a Sunday School Class.  There are no women teaching eschatology.  My influence in this world is limited to a few people, even people that know me and love me, don't understand what I teach - they don't walk the same path, and if I've heard once, I've heard it a hundred times, "I'm just not that deep, Dolley."  I feel as if I am going to explode with these new revelations and there is nobody to share them with; I miss my Dad.

Tonight, troubled in spirit, I sought the Lord on a walk - seeking what He would have me do.  Questioning if I am doing what I am supposed to do.  Asking if there is something more that I should be doing and am not - most of all, questioning why me?  Why show me things in His Word and then have 15 people read the most important posts of my life?  What do you want me to do?  I seemed to have more questions than I was getting answers.

Then, I walked by a tree in my yard.  I'd taken a picture of it yesterday.  It reminded me of a story. One day, after my Dad moved into his new house, we were shooting baskets.  I asked him what kind of tree was by his driveway. He laughed and said, "I have no idea, but these cool fuzzy buds looked promising." The turned out to be a tulip magnolia. When we moved in this house, he gave me one.

Tulip Magnolia in Bud

Tonight, as I was finishing my walk, not having received answers to the questions that sent me forth, I noticed the tree. The same tree that 24 hours earlier had a half a dozen open blooms looked like this:

Tulip Magnolia in Blossom 

I felt the Lord whisper in my heart, "I can change things in a day.  I can bring forth all the buds in one moment."

I realized then, that I was called to keep going, to keep teaching, to keep writing, and to leave the day of the blossom to Him.  In our lives, we often look around and see buds everywhere, but it's God that brings forth the flowers and the fruit and he can do it in a day.

Don't Be a Dried Up Worm

Some of my earliest memories are fishing with my grandfather. I could not swim, so he strapped me into an ancient, ill-fitting lifejacket that reeked of old fish. I hated it, but hanging out with my grandpa made wearing the wretched thing worth it. He taught me to cast a rod and bait a hook. I liked digging in the worm bucket, searching for the juicy ones, his term, not mine.

So, worms don't freak me out, and I developed an unusual habit as an adult. If I see a worm on the pavement, I put it back in the grass because dried up worm carcasses are just sad.

Dried Up Worm

Today, I spotted a struggling worm, barely moving, and beginning to dehydrate.  I stopped to pick it up but did not quite get a hold of it.  To my surprise, it started thrashing like mad, which startled me. For a second, I considered abandoning it to its fate. But when I tried to pick it up again, it kept twisting, and I could not catch it. In the end, I scooted it back into the grass with my toe.  It took a couple of tries, but the worm finally made it.

As I walked away, I realized the worm had no clue it was going to die if it stayed on the path it set for itself.  It certainly did not know I was trying to assist. Instead of embracing the help, it viewed my intervention as an attack and fought to continue its journey to destruction.  But I had a better view of what the future held and took care of the worm, whether it knew it or not.

How often do we behave like the thrashing worm, and how much more important are we to God than a worm?

Sometimes in life, God is like a loving grandfather who puts us in a stinky lifejacket for our safety. Uncomfortable or unhappy in our surroundings, He might be teaching us valuable lessons or giving us treasured memories. And when the time comes to go, instead of struggling when He picks us up, why not relax in the palm of His hand?  If we thrash around, we will miss the view from above and never realize this is a rescue, not an attack. We will be back in the cool of the grass soon enough.

Don't be a dried up worm. He's got you.

(Originally published August 5, 2013)

An Experience In Racism - A White Woman's Perspective

On the Eve of Martin Luther King Day, I have been thinking of his works and his words; one phrase keeps rolling around in my mind.  That one day all men would be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.  I believe that has in some regards come true but I believe that the so called Black leadership does not want it to be true, because without the victim mentality, they have no power.

I have never experienced racism, not really, but I came darn close many years ago.  I know how it made me feel and I did not like it one bit.  Through this experience, I believe I have gained an empathy that would otherwise have alluded me.  Let me explain:

Several decades ago, my husband and I found ourselves in a particularly difficult season.  We were struggling financially, we had moved 1000 miles from our home and family, our living situation was untenable, and everything seemed to be falling apart.  We relieved our stresses by taking long walks, in addition to getting us out of the house, we used it for exercise and privacy to talk about what we were going to do and where we were going to go.  One night was particularly rough.  I don't remember the circumstances exactly, but I do remember I had never been so low.  I was crying and my husband had his arm around me as we walked the neighborhood streets.

There was a golf course at the back of the subdivision and as we often did, we turned down the golf cart path to enjoy the pretty course with it's ponds and lush weeping willows.  That night out of no where this man jumped off his gold cart and came charging at us screaming that we were trespassing and to GET OFF THIS COURSE!  I was taken aback, we weren't hurting anything, we were just walking.  The guy was your typical yuppy self important prick and he had a driver in his hand.  We explained we were just walking and had meant no harm.  He screamed that there were signs posted everywhere and he would call the police if we did not leave.

There were no signs but he did not want to hear about it.  He followed us off the course taunting us.  Now, normally, my husband, who is sometimes called the Krusher, would have knocked the man out, but we were so poor and broken we could not have gotten him out of jail.  He was also concerned for me, as I was hurting so much, he just wanted to get me out of there.

I have never in my life felt so rotten and worthless.  I felt stupid and angry.  I realized immediately that this is what racism must feel like.  This is what it would be like to have people judge you based on how you looked.  It must be how it feels when people lock their doors when you walk by at a stop light or check to see if the video camera is working when you walk in a store.  I can not fathom the anger that must be tamped down based on ignorance and fear.  I do not pretend to understand, but I can now empathize.

This world is full of bigots and racist, I am not among them and Praise God for the Yuppy with the golf club, he taught me something.