Grief - Truth Serum for Toxic Relationships

An old good friend of mine died this month by her own hand.  I have mourned harder than I expected, especially considering that we had lost touch many years ago.  Events like that make you pause and examine your life, and your friends; they make you determine to draw closer to the ones that you love.

Grief has a flip side though, it peels back sentiment to reveal hidden truth.   

This is especially true for straight forward people who operate without agendas and subterfuges.  Open and honest people, who take others at their word can go through life believing that people who they love, love them back - they say they do after all.  Through grief, rose colored glasses are removed to wipe away tears; as the grieving person reaches out to loved ones, they can be shocked to find a sneering face looking back at them.

Shock envelopes the griever, both parties go through the charade, but for the first time, the griever knows it is an act.  Having operated for years in subterfuge, the manipulator never knows they have been unmasked.  

The honest emotion of grief sends the deceitful one scurrying away to the shadows where they have alway truly inhabited.   Adulters, liars, manipulators, and self-absorbed flakes can never truly give unselfishly of themselves to comfort another person, they are too broken.  The sad truth is, the only person they really love is themselves.

As the days and weeks go by, remembered conversations, flashes of memory, long forgotten events, small digs and subtle insults, hurt feelings, begin to come into focus.  With the rose colored glasses removed, the truth about the toxic relationship emerges.  Even in perfect times of peace and harmony, these relationships are selfish and one sided.  The realization is often as painful as the grief that precipitated it but facing it and dealing with it are a vital part of emotional healing and restoration.  

Every relationship has an emotional bank account. Each person makes deposits and withdrawals from the account as the relationship goes on. The depth of the relationship, the longevity, the closeness all contributes to the available funds. Those factors also contribute to the amount of "overdraft" protection the account has and how long an account in the red will be allowed to stay active before it is closed.

The most difficult thing we can do is close the account for someone we have loved deeply.  To walk away from someone that hurts us, to leave that relationship in the grave with the grief that revealed it, is the most empowering and freeing things we can do for ourselves.  Ironically, the person you are walking away from might not ever realize you are gone, but then again, that is exactly the point.

30 Days of Birth Pangs - Day 1 Lovers of Self

Matthew 24:8 - Jesus declares that the coming end of the age will be like birth pangs upon a woman.  We know that as labor progresses the pains get more intense and closer together.  This series will explore a new event each day, to encourage the believer, to wake up the sleeping, and to convict the skeptic.  2 Timothy 3:2 famously describes the condition of mankind at the end.  So we will start here - lovers of self.

Selfies = Self Love

Have we ever seen a time where love of self was greater?  In 2013, Oxford Dictionary declared that Selfie was the word of the year.  The advent of social media has perpetuated an age of self worship.  Obviously, man has always loved himself and Jesus admonished us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31) which proves that we do not need to be taught to love ourselves but must learn to love others just as much.

Narcissism is a psychological disorder that inflates the love of self at the expense of empathy for others.  The scientific findings and measurements of the rise in this condition are startling.  Psychology Today reports that simple tests given to college students show " approximately 70 percent of students today score higher on narcissism and lower on empathy than did the average student thirty years ago."

The United States has elected, twice, a President that uses the first person pronouns to such an extent that it would be comical if it was not so serious.  He is President Selfie and has embarrassed himself and the nation numerous times with his unrestrained self love.

September 2011 - UN Heads of State Group Picture

Pop culture idolizes and perpetuates this love of self - people aspire everyday for validation and admiration among their peers and the internet.  Romans 1:28 says that since they have rejected God, He will give them over to a reprobate mind.

We worship ourselves and our bodies.  We know that if we eat the right foods, take the right vitamins, work out in the right way we will preserve this flesh.  It is the same lie... "Surely you will not die..." (Genesis 3:4).  Books can be and have been written on the subject.  If you live in this time, you get the point.

No one is immune from this, we love ourselves.  I'm not excluded from this and it requires prayer and discipline to knock myself off the throne of my life and put the one who rightfully belongs there.  It is a daily discipline.

Lovers of Self - Day 1 in the 30 days of Birth Pangs - Rapture index Score:  10 out of 10

Classy

Abigail and Dolley readers know that I am not a big "Rah, Rah" supporter of the GOP, nor am I a huge George W Bush fan.  My feelings on GWB are actually quite conflicted.  I completely disagree with his Neo-Conservative/Progressive policies of global war, expanded government, huge spending, and unsecured Southern Borders.  On the other hand, I believe he IS a good man.  He was a President of his convictions and governed according to those sets of ideals, like them or not.

You always got the sense that he was a man comfortable in his own skin; this is evidenced in his ability to laugh at himself.  It is also manifested in his behavior since leaving office.  He has said recently that he is seeking anonymity and that he is thankful that Cheney has been willing to step forth and defend their policies.  The day after the massacre at Ft. Hood, the Bushs made a quiet trip to the base to visit and comfort the troops.  There was no press, he didn't do it for political reasons, he just did it because it was the right thing to do.  He has remained quiet in spite of overwhelming abuse from the Obama administration, he has taken the high road.

The Bushs have class.  I shudder to think what the Obamas will be like after being booted from office.  If we think that Carter is an aggravation, wait until the Chief Narcissist is rejected by his formerly adoring public, one hopes that the Bush model will be followed.  Based on facts and personality, I do not hold much hope.

So, in conclusion, I believe history will be kinder to George W Bush than the press or the American people were.  I think that while you may disagree with him and his policies he is to be admired for his restraint and dignity upon leaving office.  Toward the end of his Presidency he was reviled and booed on many occasions, he did not deserve that, nor should we have done that to an honorable man who had served his country well.  We can all learn from George W. Bush and we owe him our thanks.

Living Life Upside Down

(I originally posted this in June 2009, but little has changed.  The cook out invitation was withdrawn because, oh yeah, they started killing their own people who were protesting a fixed election.  If these lunatics were fundamentalist Christians, I am sure the Obama Administration would have had plenty of words of condemnation.  Yet, we are on our second round of protests in Iran and Obama is silent.)

There is a song that keeps going through my head, although I haven't heard it on the radio in quite some time, but it seems appropriate for the time we find ourselves. It is sung by an artist, Russ Lee, and I have included a link to a You Tube video for your additional consideration.

The chorus rings, "What if we've fallen to the bottom of a well, thinking we've risen to the top of a mountain? What if we are knocking at the gates of Hell, thinking we are Heaven bound?" The song goes on to say, "You are telling me there is a new way of life, that used to be wrong is now right?" Hmmm, does that sound familiar?

I am daily astounded by the rapid destruction of our country and our core values. Let us consider, for a moment, the latest Cult of Personality move by the Teleprompter in Chief:

The Obama Administration has decided that this Independence Day US Embassies across the world should invite the IRANIANS for a cook out. (Now let that sink in for a moment...)

Are we expecting them to bring the fire works? How about the blind folds so they can trot our hostages on TV night after night? You have got to be kidding me? On our most sacred national holiday, to invite Iran to Embassies is ludicrous. Let us not forget that these folks are our sworn enemies and who would destroy us in a millisecond if given the opportunity. Come on over and celebrate the birth of our nation and an overthrow of tyranny - you feel that is a good thing, too, right?

Where is the outrage or even the irony? Does anyone remember watching the news night after night with the days the hostages were held up on the screen? Does any liberal alive realize that history did not start 100 days ago? When will this president, in his arrogance and narcissistic psychosis go too far for the left and their puppets the mainstream media?

Me Me Me!!!

I couldn't resist... with the Narcissism so evident, I had to repost this.




Interested in Narcissism? Click on the label to the left and read the previous posts on the subject. These are guaranteed to make your skin crawl.

Stuck on A Course of Action

Have you ever determined a course of action to later find out it was incorrect?  I think we all have been faced with that situation at one time or another.  The content of your character is largely determined by your actions once you discover you were wrong.  An honorable person will reverse course, admit the mistake, apologize to those he has wronged if applicable, learn the lesson, and proceed forward.  A dishonorable person will persist along the wrong course because to do otherwise is to admit a mistake, to do otherwise may harm his "cause".  A dishonorable person will make the wrong decisions and not care who gets hurt along the way.

Such is now the case with the Copenhagen Climate Summit - the course of action our world leaders take in this regard, will in large part determine their Honor.  Will they acknowledge that there are serious questions about Man Made Global Impact or will they proceed down the path that has been clearly demonstrated as wrong?  I believe that the content and the character of each leader will be determined by how they proceed.

Sadly, the duly elected President of the United States of America, Barrack Hussein Obama has indicated he will proceed down the wrong path, once again putting on full display his lack of honor and intellectual courage, his lack of personal convictions of right and wrong, his inability to admit a mistake, his unwillingness to abandon the cause that leads to the ultimate end of total governmental control of the country and the world.  Once again, the Narcissist Obama makes the wrong decision and to hell with the consequences.

NYC Flyover - I Get It Now

Abigail and Dolley readers know, I am no real fan of the Obama Administration, but I also think of myself as a fair minded American.  Thus, when the whole "Fly Over" incident in NYC happened earlier this year, I thought it was stupid, but I didn't really grasp the magnitude of the gaff.  Perhaps because before today, I had never seen this picture.

This picture was not taken by Dolley Madison - I take no credit for it.

Look at that.... a very large plane followed by two fighter jets heading right into the heart of New York City.  Now think about it for a moment.....  Why was this picture not indelibly on my brain?  Why am I just now finding this picture?  Because once again the Media is not doing their jobs.

This publicity stunt caused panic on the ground.  Emergency lines were jammed, people evacuated buildings, and no one knew what was going on.  As an American, I am horrified by this image, as a New Yorker I would have been terrified.

Not only was this insensitive and stupid it is an example of the overwhelming disregard of others that permeates this Narcissistic President and Administration. This picture will forever symbolize to me the first disastrous year of the Obama Presidency. 

Narcissism and the Cult of Personality Part 2

I find that these types of Abigail and Dolley posts are the most difficult for me to write and put together, because I am out of my comfort zone, which of course is giving my opinion.  I struggle with the really important ones, so hang with me a little while I try to make some semblance of sense. If you'd like to read all the posts regarding this, click on the Narcissism label.

Several months ago, I stumbled upon this subject and it has truly haunted me.  I have continued to research this and the amount of circumstantial evidence to support the declaration of Obama being a Narcissist is staggering.  I am no doctor, I don't even play one on TV - but I can read, and better yet, I can observe.  This American Thinker article started me down the Narcissist as a child avenue.  It is followed up with a disturbing article and poem by a young Barack Obama that seems to indicated he was violated in some manner by a family friend.

I am an outspoken critic of this President and his policies but I wept for the little boy who wrote that poem.

There is also tons of information about the early child name of Obama, Barry Soetoro, (which is his childhood name that he used when his mother was married to her second husband).  There is deep and thorough research on Indonesia Matters and some excellent info actually in a Yahoo Answer.

So assuming that anyone is still with me after all of the links I have put in this article, let's review:

Barack Obama was conceived out of wedlock
Barack Obama was a product of a mixed marriage between a middle America white girl and an African man.
Obama Senior was already married and committed bigomy when he married.
Barack Obama was abandonded by his father at 2 years old.
His parents divorced.
His mother moved him to Indonesia where he was forced into a Muslim school
His step father was an alcoholic
His mother was by no means a traditional mom
Barack Obama used a different name while in Indonesia
His mother and step father divorced.
Barack Obama was uprooted from Indonesia and sent to live with his white grandparents
Obama's grandfather was a by some accounts a disturbed man and an alcoholic
Obama's grandmother was a "typical white person"
Obama's grandfather determined that his drinking buddy, a self avowed communist, and child molester would be a good role model for Barack - to teach him how to be a black man.
Obama saw his father one time when he was 10, shortly thereafter his father was killed.

Uprooted, abused, abandoned, never belonging anywhere, Muslim, Christian, not black, not white, not wanted - these are the ingredience that went into the soup that is now Barack Obama.

God protect this nation.

Narcissism on Full Display

Barack Obama's Narcissistic Personality Disorder has been on full display this week.  First the insensitive remarks the day of the Ft Hood shootings and secondly his refusal to attend the 20th anniversary celebration of the fall of the Berlin Wall.  Both extremely important events for America - but for Barack Obama?  Umm, not so much.  You see, one of the character traits of a Narcissist is their lack of caring for things and people that don't glorify themselves.

It is in Barack Obama's best interest to downplay the Muslim terrorist actions in Texas, that puts him in a bad light - for his weakness on the military, perhaps for his Muslim name, and it shines the laser beam of public attention on the continuing War on Terror - those things clearly are not about him or good for him so why acknowledge them.  Now, if the shooter was a Christian guy, wearing a pro-life Tshirt, and a copy of a Rush Limbaugh book by his bedside?  You can bet your bottom dollar he'd be all over this thing and "jumping to conclusions" be damned.

The symbolic victory of Western free markets and capitalism, the end of the Cold War, and the liberation of half a Continent is as important to the world as July 4th is to us Americans.  But it doesn't shine a light on Barack Obama, so he isn't going.  It actually does the opposite; it highlights his predecessor's achievements (can't blame Bush for that one...), it points out the flaws in a system that Obama would like to see return, and it calls to mind those nasty Tea Partiers protesting and celebrating in the street.

If it isn't about Barack Obama and what he wants, he's doesn't want any part of it.  How's that for change.

On a side note, George and Laura Bush went to Ft. Hood yesterday, but requested that they not be photographed or recorded, they were there to lend their support to the hurting community and families.

Narcissism and the Cult of Personality

Here at Abigail and Dolley, I do not advocate name calling, nor demonetization of your political opponents; I will leave that to the left. Something is not right about our current President; he just does not compute. The day after the election, my sister called me and we discussed how disturbed we were about Obama. We detailed our unease and angst over this man, how our spirits rebelled when we heard him speak, how we felt the forebodings of dread and genuine fear for our country under the leadership of this man. Being a patriotic American, though, I said that we must pray for our new President and our country - I have done so. I remain as uneasy today as I was then.

I believe now, I understand why I have felt the unease. Have you ever been around an unstable or irrational person? I have, and it is the same feeling that I get when I watch President Obama. Many people, smarter than I have observed him and have concluded that he has strong Narcissistic traits. The below is a description of a Narcissist (copied from http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm)

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
• Requires excessive admiration
• Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
• Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
• Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
• Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
• Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

You be the judge - if you have observed the man in any fashion, you will agree that he exhibits all of the above. Okay, big deal, right? Well, this is a serious psychological disorder and represents a real and present danger to the country and world. Mad men through the ages have suffered from NPD; Caligula, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Kim Jung Il, Sadam Hussein, Mussolini all Narcissists who demanded absolute power and led their countries down self serving roads to destruction.

I am not saying this to be inflammatory, but the Devil is described in the Scriptures in the exact terms above. Perhaps this is why President Obama disturbs my Spirit.

Can You Imagine if A Conservative Did This?

I love this game - I post it often.  Please play along with me, okay?

Let's play a little game of make believe shall we? Imagine a world where the press hammered Obama like they did George W Bush.

Can you imagine if George W Bush had given a speech in Austria and referred to a non existent "Austrian" language?

Can you imagine if on an overseas visit GWB had mispronounce name of a foreign leader or had trouble with Putins correct title?

Can you imagine if GWB would have said he and Laura met at school instead of a friend's BBQ?

Can you imagine if GWB would have gotten is daughters age wrong?

Can you imagine if GWB would have made a joke about the Special Olympics?

Can you imagine if GWB would have tried to push through "pro-business" energy and staffed his entire department with former oil executives?

Can you imagine if after initiating said policy that he called out the oil unions to squash environmental protestors?

Can you imagine if Newt Gingrich had called environmental protestors astroturf, un-american, swastika carrying.....

If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky?

If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia?

If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current on their income taxes?

If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to “Cinco de Cuatro” in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the fourth of May (Cuatro de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you have winced in embarrassment?

If George W. Bush had mis-spelled the word advice would you have hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and potatoe as “proof” of what a dunce he is?

If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on “Earth Day,” would you have concluded he’s a hypocrite?

If George W. Bush’s administration had okayed Air Force One flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually “get” what happened on 9-11?

If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a teleprompter installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how he inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?

If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans, would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?

If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan’s holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved?

If the Inspector General of Americorp was fired because he was critical of a GWB fund raiser and supporter?

If GWB had said he planned to arm and mobilize citizens as well as the US armed services to "change" the country?

Can you imagine if GWB refused to produce an original long form birth certificate?

Can you imagine if GWB had been a follower and teacher of a book called "rules for conservatives" that was dedicated to Satan?

Can you imagine if GWB's mentor growing up was a communist?

Can you imagine if GWB was on film multiple times saying he was for eliminating private health insurance?

Can you imagine if GWB had bragged after passing a stimulus bill that did nothing for the country and was merely a political payback that "he had won"?

Can you imagine if GWB's preacher for 20 years was the head of the KKK?

Can you imagine if Sarah Palin said anything that has ever come out of Joe Biden's mouth?

Can you imagine if Sarah Palin plagarized and was caught?

Can you imagine if Dick Cheney quadrupled his net worth since leaving office by supporting a false scientific premise?

Can you imagine if Dick Cheney compared environmental concerns with fighting Nazism in WWII?

Can you imagine if Barak Obama had to water board THREE terrorists after 9/11 and uncovered life saving information, would you be mad?

Can you imagine if Newt Gingrich had accused the CIA of lying to congress on a regular basis?

Can you imagine if Dick Armey stood up and mocked members of Congress for demanding he read the bill he was voting on?

Can you imagine if Trent Lott had said, "Americans don't care about these "porky" parts of the bill, they demand action."

Can you imagine if a Republican Congressman's wife had been convicted on Federal corruption charges, been forced to resign from the Detroit City Council and absconding with over $21,000 in city equipment and funds? (Rep Conyers wife)

Let's keep it going - feel free to add your comments. I am sure by tomorrow there will be more to add....

I am sure there are more....

Death - Puppies, Kittens, and Children Should be Destroyed!

What a title, huh? Ludicrous, isn't it? Who is against puppies, kittens, and children? Who for that matter is against education and environment? I mean what kind of monster are you anyway? Who in their right mind can possibly object to the President speaking to school kids about staying in school and doing their best? What could possibly be wrong with treating the earth with respect and promoting clean energy solutions? Clearly, if you object to such wholesome and fundamentally sound principals you are not worthy of consideration and are indeed worthy of my disdain and ridicule. Most folks leave it at that and go blindly about their business, never stopping to consider more than the 15 second, scoffing talking head coming through their TV screen. They mutter on their way to the government mandated low water toilet,(that doesn't flush the first time), that the Right Wing Nut Jobs are at it again.

In the Spirit and Audacity of Logic, let us examine in depth what could possibly create such sentiments and determine if the thinkers are indeed worthy of your disdain or if perhaps, they may actually know what they are talking about.

For the sake of brevity, for this post, I will concentrate on the logic behind the position of objecting to President Obama addressing the Nation's school children next week.

1. Protocol for an address of this nature is not being observed. Instead of going through the established channels the DOE went directly to school principals. Why?
2. The lesson plan published on the DOE initially had school children writing a letter to themselves on how they were going to help the President. That has since been retracted and spun in such a manner that the students will now write a letter to themselves about how they are going to achieve their own goals, but the hasty spin and retraction speak loudly to initial intent. Does it bother you that children are being recruited to help ANY President? What if it was George W Bush?
3. The President would not initially release the material of the address until pressured and will only now release the contents the day before. Why?
4. Teachers are encourage to print portions of the President's address in bold signs and hang them in the classroom - innocuous right? Not so, when you consider that the 15-18 year olds will be potential voters in the next Presidential election. Is High School an appropriate place to try and win voters?
5. Why address ALL the school children in America on their first day or school? Don't teachers and administrators have enough to do that first day without trying to gather all the children together for another speech by the President? What does this say about the priorities and character of the President?
6. Why not release it on the web and let parents watch it with their children? Why circumvent the parents in this process?

Regardless of your political beliefs and leanings, what do you disagree with on the above? If you do, which point and why?

There are a myriad of other reasons that parents may object to this based on their political beliefs, their concern over the direction of the country under this administration, and the narcissistic totalitarianism feel such a move brings to mind - but this blog is intended to move beyond political affiliations and look at the heart and the logic of the issues.

Further, I hope this blog can serve to unite us as "We the People". Only then can we begin to concentrate on the things that bind us together like love of country, family, freedom, and the pursuit of the American dream. By educating ourselves and engaging in critical thinking perhaps we can recognize opportunities and dangers to our Republic and our way of life before they have disappeared into the all consuming organism we now call the Federal Government.